there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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