I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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