I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize