yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
