so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
