his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
