I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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