Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
