I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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