Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
there was a trapeze. enough said
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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