so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
