he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
