Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
