It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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