Hey man sorry I got all grabby
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize