Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
