Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
