his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
This toilet bowl is my home.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
