a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
