My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
