Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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