They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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