I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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