omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
