I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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