I cockslap morals
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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