i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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