so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am one with the molecules
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
