Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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