nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Houston, we have a blender
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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