Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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