Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
