i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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