my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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