she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
