they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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