I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize