Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
