If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
