My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
