Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I looked at my own cervix.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
