Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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