i was rollin on her like bob the builder
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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