my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Randomize
