Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
