If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize