Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
