i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize