I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
