slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
