They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
