Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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