just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
