My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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