i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
