Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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