Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
