people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
