big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
