Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
