I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
