I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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