i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize