So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
