I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
