i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
A bitchslap is in order.
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