Do you still have your period?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
