Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
