The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
