omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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