I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
