Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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