I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize