i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
