So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
