my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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