Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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