I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
