Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
