I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
