I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
