The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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