So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
