I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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