You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
