We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You dont lie about slip and slides
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
