first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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