They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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