She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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