The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
