well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
