so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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