I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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