a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
