hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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