What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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