Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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