kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
