If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
