i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
