It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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