areolas are like halos for boobs.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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