i always forget guys have bellybuttons
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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